Skeptical Planner T-Shirts

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

Worry tank

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

The Porkypine Pals - Moon Business

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

'No, I don't believe in life after birth. When you're born, you're born!'

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

For 29 years, Bert's strategy had been to reach retirement without making any waves,missteps or career-limiting moves. And it might have worked, too, if only he'd foreseen the fossilization risk.

'Before you begin, I'd like to thank you for coming in early to do this on such short notice.'

Swami Trevor's Brotherhood of Celestial Enlightenment

"Can atheists refuse to participate?"

'In our thirty years of marriage she's squirreled away loads of money, but she can't remember where.'

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

Man to man re: crackpot's sign that says, 'Your Nutty Idea Here': Everybody's out to make a buck these days.

'I'm fully organized. Now I can freak out in some kind of order!'

"Nope! Not that one! They still believe that 'gods' created the universe!"

"Thank you for not praying."

"He wants the cat for his next trick. I'd be real careful about this, Eileen."

'This isn't the first time you've been here---- is it ?'

Fortune teller has a diary for 2017

Fortune Telling: Retirement Planning.

"Measure twice. Wipe once."

"Lunch Thursday at one? Looks good to me."

'I see you reaching into your wallet for a twenty dollar bill.'

'We should have bought the piano first, and built the igloo around it.'

"I guess I can’t prove I exist either."

"I started a new business. . ."

'What will it cost me for you to elope?'

'You and your shortcuts.'

"Could you deliver 500 pizzas over there at the sports shop? Just ask for Hank at the frisbee department."