Rear-end Humorist Pillows

Yoga Class. Ernie, check this out -- The "lotus" position! Looks more like the "low-tush" position!

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

'Hard to follow...'

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"Now you're just being a jerk!"

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

Book Worm

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

"What a success! We've sold all our copies. You're a great team! Let's go for beer, pizza and crisps - my treat!"

N't. Dear, we're commas. Get down here before you get hurt.

"Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about that?"

Meet The Ghostwriter

Larry's Literary Market.

'I want something by Anais Nin... but not the naughty Anais Nin!'

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

"Hey Ref - any chance you can get those buzzards to quit circling over my fighter?"

"You're not just a number here. You're a number who hasn't been fired yet."

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

'Oooh, man... I meant to express that as an interior monologue!' ~ Fred, left to his own literary devices.

"Is that true love or what? My masters are vegetarians, but they still buy me juicy bones..."

Overnight Programming

"Books about unicorns? Fantasy section. Next to the biographies of honest politicians."

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."