Reality Check Collector Gifts

Still A Shrimp

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

Before the Internet

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

Staff. Manager. So then you must say "I refuse to lift weights." Hey, that's not what I expected when I hired you to be a resistance training instructor!

Skeptic: Critical Thinking, Facts, Debunking.

The Month of July

There are dreams...And then there's reality...

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

'Apparently, wild hopes and dreams, re-enacted by Barbie and Ken, are no substitute for a solid business plan.'

"This says you should expect to spend six months and at least $800 building the perfect lowrider bike."

Funky Facts: Elephants.

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

"We've managed to eliminate every problem except the public perception that we're heading in the wrong direction."

Since I took command of the company, I have steered a steady course.

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

"Do you ever wish you lived in a different era, Randy?" "Well… every waking moment I wish I were living before the beginning of existence itself. So I could witness the Big Bang." "It's safer to keep me where I am. Injecting my advanced virility into more primitive eras could have disastrous effects on the timeline." "That way I could know for sure whether our universe is all just one big simulation running on some geek's computer." "I mean, everything being made up of atoms and math is

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

"I believe you were complaining about your cold this morning."

"Maybe you should be depressed, your life isn't that great."

'Yeah? Well... bite me! No... wait!'

"Starting at a new agency can be overwhelming. Let me show you around."

Psychiatrist. She said she could help get me in touch with reality or boost my self-esteem but not both.

'Perhaps you've been 'lovin it' a bit too much?'

"You can make your life any way you want it. Don't let your thoughts limit your future. It is possible to achieve your dreams!"

Psychiatry. I know I've lost touch with reality, but in my defense, reality started it.

'Don't give up the day job...'

'The more successful I become, the less money I make.'

'Actually, the bill is part of your reality therapy.'

TV Zoo Trivia

"It looked better when I saw it on Instagram."

'I think that's enough enlightenment for now Tim!'

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'