Realism Relishers T-Shirts

'I seized the day, and it seized right back.'

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

Tired Barbie

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'But I do have fun. I have lots lots of fun. I have lots of fun making money.'

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

New from Low-Key Press.

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"I'm the bluebird of low expectations."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

Tunnel of love, then disillusionment, then mundane humdrum coexistence.

The point in every relationship, when annoying habits become intolerable...

"I have a list of downsides I'd like you to develop into a list of upsides."

'Will you marry me if I can get funding?'

"Today, in all aspects of life losses outnumbered gains."

"You never chase me through back yards anymore."

'Perhaps we should leave details of the divorce settlement until after we are married.'

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

"Say, why don't we go see the Hopper show at the Whitney?"

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

Inbox and Outbox

"I appreciate couples therapy, but I can't stop fantasizing about group therapy."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."