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Self-Help: 2015

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

Tired Barbie

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Man blending in to his chair is reading Optical Illusion Monthly magazine.

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

New from Low-Key Press.

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

Have you considered a career in travel brochures?

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

"I'm the bluebird of low expectations."

"I have a list of downsides I'd like you to develop into a list of upsides."

"Today, in all aspects of life losses outnumbered gains."

"Say, why don't we go see the Hopper show at the Whitney?"

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

'I'm going to have to let you go.'

"I dreamed Lucian Freud was coming to paint us."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'

'That's the sign of a good painting!'

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

Expectations vs. Bitterness