Realism Ponderer T-Shirts

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"Have you been playing dice?"

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

Chiller Theatre

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

Sauce for the Goose

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'Why don't you try seeing it from your point of view?'

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"May I offer a very different scenario?"

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"Is this who I am?"

"I cross the road to forget."

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

'Look at it another way. Happiness can't buy you money!'

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.