Real Estate Jokers Gifts

Couple in sunglasses begging with a sign that reads - 'Holiday Homeless - Please help'.

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Its been on the market for over two years. The estate agent reckons it's something to do with negative edibility!"

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

"Efficiency tombs available"

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

'Is the fire included?'

"For sale £470,000 house included"

'I'm not the sitting tenant, I'm your husband.'

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

'Here's the 2 acres of beachfront property you bought - too bad it's only six inches wide.'

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

'Three words doc, why you should buy...dislocation,dislocation,dislocation.'

Real estate.

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'I'm so glad I moved into this basement flat Mary. It's put me on the property ladder and the neighbours are so friendly!'

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'

"With skyrocketing condo prices these days I can easily get $2.5 million."

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'

Toughing it out in the real estate game.

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."