Reading Survival Guides Gifts

'Ooops - here it says 'FIRST cross the desert, THEN eat your camel'...'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

"You need to justify your own existence first."

That's actually the gorilla survival manoeuvre. . .

'I was thinking-what if the tide's OUT?'

"I'm searching for a happy medium between sitting on a mountain top and eating cheese fries."

'I hate evolution!'

'I forgot to cancel the milk!'

The trap

"Has it occurred to you one of us might be a mirage?"

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

After 73 days, the coconut would finally be his.

"You will note that their ability to comprehend, assess and process information increases dramatically when Professor Podhertz throws in the cat."

"Well, they're circling counter-clockwise, so we must be in the southern hemisphere."

Desert Island Books

"Avoiding something, aren't we?"

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

Self-realization.

"Have you tried spending time with friends who are worse off?"

'Michelle, this is your brother, Paul, do you copy? Over...Paul to Michelle, do you read me?...'

'Some more great camouflage of the insect world.'

Glass Half Empty and Glass Half Full.

Girl focusing on one negative comment using telescope.

'No thank you, I'm on a diet: I've noticed that the fat ones disappear first...'

Emergency book: 'How To Cope With Stress'.

'I think it's for compliance with some Federal safety regulation.'

Mr. Low Self-Esteem Man

"You feel like a fake? Man, I wrote the book on faking it. Not really, but that's what I tell everyone."

'Another one. Do you realize that will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

Come with me. Things are tough around here and somebody may want to eat you.

'...and why does it have to be MY shirt we use as a sail?'

"Now that we've fermented coconut milk, do we build a boat or a tiki bar?"