Reading Humorous Content Gifts

'He hasn't done anything yet, but keep an eye on him.'

"Can you give me some you haven't chewed on already."

"Why don't you ever put your hand on my knee?"

Bored mid 40's housewife looking for afternoon fun...

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

Apricots

All this pressure to be the perfect storm...

'Before we staqrt biting do you practice catch and release?'

Examination.

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

A man and his dog both reading.

"No, I said to swab the deck!"

'I've discovered you have feet of clay.'

'You can hit out of the trap or take a 2 stroke penalty.'

'I sort of drifted into this...I always wanted to do children's gymkhanas.'

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"First of all, kudos on landing a corner office."

"I suggest you get more iron in your system and get the lead out."

Book

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

"Yuck! Som'one left their nose in this book!"

"Do you even care about evil anymore?"

'I perched on Blackbeard's shoulder for three years, then went to work for Long-John Silver...'

"Yes, I know darling, getting a sore throat is bad: it really hurts to swallow..."

"Of course I'm self-absorbed. I'm a sponge!"

"In school I got punished for copying, yet now it's all I'm asked to do."

"Would you mind if my new friend Ted joins us?

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"Sorry sir - our sun screen only goes up to Factor - 100..."

"Take my advice. I don't use it anyway."