Reading Champion Gifts

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

Read!

'Don't do the funny voices Dad. You make the giant sound gay.'

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

"You were right, honey, she was tired... I only had to read six books to her tonight!"

"I think I gained weight because of the heavy reading Mr. Klacken assigns us."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

"Eventually, you have to stop visualizing yourself doing well on the test, and actually do the test."

Couples' therapy

"You can use the alphabet to text. You can use the alphabet to tweet. Why can't you use the alphabet to spell?"

WHO checklist

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"I wouldn't mind...But he's the teacher."

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

'Oh-oh - it's the old good librarian, bad librarian routine.'

"Hey buddy! Come over here and draw me something about 'Freedom of Speech!'"

'You misspelled 'Gonna' Verl. . . there's two 'n's' in it.'

How some bird species determine pecking order.

"After endless delays, boarding confusion and lost luggage, it appears he's finally arriving at his conclusion."

"Lately she refers to me as her 'insignificant other'."

"How long has your husband gone through life with these 'blinders' on?"

"What do you mean you're staying in with a good book?"

"Before we got married you said you were oversexed."

"Apparently women use twice as many words per day as men do."

'He's Dyslexic.'

"By God, this year on my vacation I'm going to read a book!"

"Mum, you've put it on mute with sub-titles!"

"Hello... I will be your instructor for this assertiveness training course... that is... I mean... if you don't mind!"

'I'm going to restate what he just said - especially the part about my being a good listener.'

Spelling bee contest - 1st prise.

Man reading while being surrounded by TV's

Assertiveness training - man answers phone; 'Can I get back to you? How about when I'm darned good and ready?'

Parent about kid reading 'Improving Your Video Gaming': 'It's the only way I could get him to read.'