Reading Champion Pillows

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

Read!

'Don't do the funny voices Dad. You make the giant sound gay.'

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

"You were right, honey, she was tired... I only had to read six books to her tonight!"

"I think I gained weight because of the heavy reading Mr. Klacken assigns us."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

"Eventually, you have to stop visualizing yourself doing well on the test, and actually do the test."

Couples' therapy

"You can use the alphabet to text. You can use the alphabet to tweet. Why can't you use the alphabet to spell?"

WHO checklist

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"I wouldn't mind...But he's the teacher."

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

'Oh-oh - it's the old good librarian, bad librarian routine.'

How some bird species determine pecking order.

'You misspelled 'Gonna' Verl. . . there's two 'n's' in it.'

"Hey buddy! Come over here and draw me something about 'Freedom of Speech!'"

Angie Goff

"Lately she refers to me as her 'insignificant other'."

"How long has your husband gone through life with these 'blinders' on?"

"After endless delays, boarding confusion and lost luggage, it appears he's finally arriving at his conclusion."

"What do you mean you're staying in with a good book?"

"Before we got married you said you were oversexed."

"Apparently women use twice as many words per day as men do."

"By God, this year on my vacation I'm going to read a book!"

Public Library. Check out books here. Sorry, Mr. Jones -- No Agatha Christie until you've finished Herman Melville.

Did you know you move your lips when you read?

'He's Dyslexic.'

"Mum, you've put it on mute with sub-titles!"

"Hello... I will be your instructor for this assertiveness training course... that is... I mean... if you don't mind!"

'I'm going to restate what he just said - especially the part about my being a good listener.'

Man reading while being surrounded by TV's