Reading About Scams Pillows

"I think they're beginning to suspect our science is fraudulent."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"Here's my wallet, my phone, the key to the safe and an application form for your so-called 'mind control device.'"

"Yes, we're a letterbox company. How can I help you?"

"Hello, I am a Nigerian Prince and I need your help!!! Please send me $500 and your bank routing number. You will rewarded with 10% of 12.7 million dollars and my undying friendship. Best wishes, Prince John Barron."

'I find if I'm the first one in and the first one out, Ponzi schemes can be very lucrative.'

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

Pretending To Care

"Whack him. And if you can't whack him, redact him."

"To verify you are the person who answered the phone, May I have your social security number and a major credit card."

Gone Phishing

'To be honest I generally only deal with clients by phone or email.'

"Fraud ..what fraud?... " SEC

"Excuse me, your honor. If you could just give us a few minutes, my client would like to pitch some time shares to the jury real quick."

Pomeroy is terrified somebody will break into his files. A real case of "hackrophobia"!

"...and don't fall for that trunk enlargement scam."

You short-changed me when I paid for my drink last week. Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. You gave me change for $10, but I now I gave you more than a ten-dollar bill. Sorry about that. How much did you give me? I distinctly remember I had nothing but $1,000 bills in my wallet. Not falling for it.

"Would you believe it, that pensions liberation plan was just an on-line scam..."

"Me, I work with a professional snake catcher: he drops me into people's backyards at night and waits for the call in the morning to come and catch me again..."

Get rich quick giving seminars!

Who do you think you're kidding! There's no such thing as "Gull Scout Cookies."

P.T. Barnum as a child.

'I couldn't afford the lavish lifestyle I was living. Coming to accept that was freeing, although, not as freeing as I had hoped.'

Department of Public Affairs - Out For A Fling

"Yes, you are speaking to university admissions!"

"You mean all this time everything was really a screw?"

"I paid twelve quid for this and it only mentions nine!"

"May I be frank as to why we're reluctant to add you to our sales force, Mr. Ponzi?"

"I'm the Nigerian Prince that emailed you. I got concerned when I never heard back."

'Earn Dollars a Day by Doing Absolutely Nothing!'

"Good heavens no, I haven't always been a monarch! I started as a confidence trickster."

'....it's all right here in the corporate training manual.'