Reading About Scams Pillows

"I think they're beginning to suspect our science is fraudulent."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

"Yes, we're a letterbox company. How can I help you?"

"Here's my wallet, my phone, the key to the safe and an application form for your so-called 'mind control device.'"

"Hello, I am a Nigerian Prince and I need your help!!! Please send me $500 and your bank routing number. You will rewarded with 10% of 12.7 million dollars and my undying friendship. Best wishes, Prince John Barron."

'I find if I'm the first one in and the first one out, Ponzi schemes can be very lucrative.'

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

"Whack him. And if you can't whack him, redact him."

Pretending To Care

"To verify you are the person who answered the phone, May I have your social security number and a major credit card."

Gone Phishing

'To be honest I generally only deal with clients by phone or email.'

"Fraud ..what fraud?... " SEC

"...and don't fall for that trunk enlargement scam."

"Me, I work with a professional snake catcher: he drops me into people's backyards at night and waits for the call in the morning to come and catch me again..."

"Would you believe it, that pensions liberation plan was just an on-line scam..."

Get rich quick giving seminars!

'I couldn't afford the lavish lifestyle I was living. Coming to accept that was freeing, although, not as freeing as I had hoped.'

Department of Public Affairs - Out For A Fling

P.T. Barnum as a child.

"Yes, you are speaking to university admissions!"

"May I be frank as to why we're reluctant to add you to our sales force, Mr. Ponzi?"

"I'm the Nigerian Prince that emailed you. I got concerned when I never heard back."

"You mean all this time everything was really a screw?"

"I paid twelve quid for this and it only mentions nine!"

'Earn Dollars a Day by Doing Absolutely Nothing!'

"Good heavens no, I haven't always been a monarch! I started as a confidence trickster."

'....it's all right here in the corporate training manual.'

Sadly, Harper had never heard of the Nigerian letter scam.