Scam Scholar Pillows

"I'm the Nigerian Prince that emailed you. I got concerned when I never heard back."

'He's not as studious as he looks - his backpack is full of comic books.'

'Irwin graduates from an online course today.'

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

Book Thief in True Crime Department

Eugene Ionesco

"Of course I'm making things worse. Do you think I'd work for what you're paying me if I knew how to make things better?"

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

Dear Diary

"Here's my wallet, my phone, the key to the safe and an application form for your so-called 'mind control device.'"

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

Pretending To Care

"To verify you are the person who answered the phone, May I have your social security number and a major credit card."

Gone Phishing

"Fraud ..what fraud?... " SEC

Cheating Alien

Chad cheats death – and would live on to lead a very stupid life.

"I didn't actually read the book. I listened to it on audio."

'What the...?!' 404 ERROR!

"I think somebody thinks I've been away from my desk too long."

"For today's punishment, you'll be listening to my mom talk about her foot pain."

"Me, I work with a professional snake catcher: he drops me into people's backyards at night and waits for the call in the morning to come and catch me again..."

"Why do I have to go to school? Why can't I just log onto their website when I get up?"

P.T. Barnum as a child.

"Yes, you are speaking to university admissions!"

The SAT test can wear you down.

'All of my degrees are from on-line universities. I guess that makes me a man of e-mails rather than of letters.'

Pay more attention to your mail. All those pre-approved credit cards should raise your self-esteem.

UCU University Lecturer's Strike

"I paid twelve quid for this and it only mentions nine!"

"You mean all this time everything was really a screw?"

'Do you remember when all we had to worry about was the menu?'