Reaching 100 Years Pillows

Age Cards.

'Well, if you were on the verge of 100, I'd let you reach it.'

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Woman crying with happiness.

Church Basement Foodie

'Guess what? I won again.'

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

Sparkler

Medication for the elderly

A very fine vintage

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

'They want your underwear.'

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

'Take this drug...you'll be ten years younger.'

Who's Dead

Women

Late Bloomers

'What I need now is a good publicist...'

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

'Actually, you're not having a midlife crises. It's a .723 life crises.'

"They're secret service. They appeared the day Billy decided he wanted to be president when he grew up."

"Look at it this way - the more birthdays you have, the longer you live!"

"Ambitions... to make it to the other side."

Two years ago, during a special episode of the Ask Sadie show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Here is an actual reader letter: Dear Sadie, My son just taught me how to use an iPad, so I am writing to tell you that doing so makes me feel young again. You might want to try it. - Nathaniel from Ontario. Thank you for helping me feel young! I may not be as spry as I was back in the old days ... but at least I've never taken two whol

"The only joints we roll these days are our ankles."

"Hal said he had big dreams...so he bought this bed."

"He said his goal was to make it to 100."

"Getting a little thin on top and dull below, eh Pop?"

They were American tourists, visiting gay Paree...and yet this was a Mexican stand off??