Reaching 100 Years Gifts

Age Cards.

'Well, if you were on the verge of 100, I'd let you reach it.'

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Church Basement Foodie

Woman crying with happiness.

'Guess what? I won again.'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

Sparkler

A very fine vintage

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

Medication for the elderly

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

'Take this drug...you'll be ten years younger.'

Who's Dead

Late Bloomers

Women

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

'What I need now is a good publicist...'

They were American tourists, visiting gay Paree...and yet this was a Mexican stand off??

"The only joints we roll these days are our ankles."

"Look at it this way - the more birthdays you have, the longer you live!"

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

"They're secret service. They appeared the day Billy decided he wanted to be president when he grew up."

"Looks like Mom is practicing getting her mask ready for Halloween tomorrow."

"He said his goal was to make it to 100."

"Hal said he had big dreams...so he bought this bed."

'Actually, you're not having a midlife crises. It's a .723 life crises.'

"Ambitions... to make it to the other side."