Approaching Centenarian Pillows

"Who wants to be 100? Only 99-year olds..."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Do you think I'm sixty?

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

'So far you have enough to smell a rose or two, but not enough to come to a complete stop and smell the roses.'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"The next one is a hard-rockin', kick-ass, take-no-prisoners tune we wrote about turning sixty."

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

worker sign: weeks to retirement changable 2078,

"In normal circumstances a full state pension would be an automatic..."

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

"He was just a year away from retirement."

"It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your 401k is?"

"Your job is safe - at least until you're too old to be hired for another job but not so old that you can retire."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

It's 10pm do you know where your 401-k is?'

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

Daily Grind...'I'm getting too old for this!'

"He said his goal was to make it to 100."

Department of Work and No Pension

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

'It's nice to see you all,but I was just going out to work.'

Pension Forecasts

'It looks like your pension gap is finally catching up with us!'

I'm practicing for retirement - one hour every day.

'Don't get me started about the poor...because of them I can't afford to retire.'

"How long is it now to your retirement, Potter?"

I'm not retired yet...I'm just practicing.

"I know that you've always enoyed your work."

'One hundred is the new ninety!'