Becoming A Centenarian Pillows

'One hundred is the new ninety!'

Inside One's Memory Bank

Do you think I'm sixty?

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"The next one is a hard-rockin', kick-ass, take-no-prisoners tune we wrote about turning sixty."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

David Blaine, Age 60

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

Phil at Fifty: Still Trying to Find Himself

A la recherche des cheveux perdus.

"He said his goal was to make it to 100."

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

Life begins at 60

'It's nice to see you all,but I was just going out to work.'

'Someone told him life begins at forty. Now he's reserving his energies!'

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

Denise gets offered the senior discount for the first time.

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

"I don't think she's this happy to be turning fifty."

"What's happening to us, Bob? We used to be so issue-oriented."

"He hit the big 60 today, and now he's just drooping around the house, convinced that he can hear his arteries hardening."

'You can try, but once they're past forty, you can't teach them new tricks.'

A middle aged cow.

"Igor, you fool! The body you've brought me is too young. Everyone knows that life begins at forty!"

'Something past its best - it's for her fiftieth birthday.'

"Dude has got his s**t together!"

Happy 100th Birthday

'I'm on century duty.'

Everything was going great until the day I turned forty. Then my face just seemed to cave in.