Centenarian Sympathizer Pillows

Age Cards.

Senior Jeopardy!

"Hey, at least you got a severance package."

'Come die with me.'

"Sure I'm depressed - now they got me on this geriatric dog food."

Introducing Life Alarm for people who have fallen but don't want to get up.

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

"He said his goal was to make it to 100."

'It's nice to see you all,but I was just going out to work.'

'Don't talk to me about joint-pain...'

'Watch out for Harold Smedly...He has wandering long-reach pick up tools!..'

'One hundred is the new ninety!'

"If you look carefully through this beaker of oil everything looks so much better..."

"What makes him a wine snob? He's been talking about the cork for 45 minutes and he thinks we're still listening."

'I'm happy to say that both parties agree on the issue. It's got bi-partisan non-support.'

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

Close encounter.

"Don't worry if you can't remember where the drum is, grandad. I think your internal memory is full."

"Brian says in 1976 we just got on with it."

'I thought you received a letter from the Queen. But I didn't know you got a present as well!'

'Occupy' camp at St Paul's cathedral, London.

"I'm only attracted to older women."

"Did you say you've been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. . . I'd forget about it!"

"Who wants to be 100? Only 99-year olds..."

'They're downsizing at 'Meals on Wheels'.'

"He still won't eat? Bah! Him and his hunger strike. He will soon learn that I am a very patient man."

'When it comes to families 'none of the above' is a huge category.'

'You've got a text from the queen.'

"Yes, it is a very compelling and tragic story. But, I still don't think it's worth 50p."

'But, Grandma, saving the number to SIM is like writing it in your book instead of on your arm.'