Reaching 100 Years Old Pillows

"He said his goal was to make it to 100."

Church Basement Foodie

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

Medication for the elderly

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

'Take this drug...you'll be ten years younger.'

Women

Late Bloomers

Who's Dead

'What I need now is a good publicist...'

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

"Look at it this way - the more birthdays you have, the longer you live!"

"Looks like Mom is practicing getting her mask ready for Halloween tomorrow."

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

'Actually, you're not having a midlife crises. It's a .723 life crises.'

"The only joints we roll these days are our ankles."

The Fountain of Youth.

'I wish I could be around when you're my age. I'd like to see that fashion statement with an adult diaper showing.'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'It's nice to see you all,but I was just going out to work.'

"I'm trying to regain me lost youth -there's a reward if you find him."

Time Passes...For Meaning.

"My son took away my license." "Too many hit and runs." "Too many birthdays?"

"No sir, we do not have beer here."

"And I'll have my usual - 'Mutton dressed as lamb'!"

'I'm at the point in life where I don't care about the past, I live in the moment.'

"If it weren't for lobby security tapes I wouldn't even know I had a bald spot on the top of my head."

"At first it bothered me, but then I realized, 50 growth rings is the new 40 growth rings."

Queen's Birthday.