Rating Wines Gifts

'I thought I'd hate hit because it only got a rating of 74, but then, luckily, I remembered I paid $249.00 for it.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

In the Guru District

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

Sloaney Pony.

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'A cheeky red?'

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

Wine Lady

Yoga for Alcoholics

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

Bacchus.

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

Sauvignon Bonk

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'... And this is my cellar.'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Bubbly

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'