Rating Agency Employee Gifts

'Of course, us rating agency employees need to behave very sensible...'

'Another casualty of U.S. Rating agencies...'

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

"The Nominees"

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'I'm not here looking for a job. I'm the temp who's replacing you when the boss fires you today.'

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

"For five starts it's worth the trip."

Temp Employment Agency. Ah, I see that you have a short attention span.

"'Market Price' isn't about the food. It's what we think we can charge YOU."

'Hello, is that the employment agency? It's about the domestic you sent me.'

"Can you perform under pressure?"

Note to viewers: we've cut back on sexual content by replacing it with violence.

Corporate Advertising Agency: WEEKLY SCAM MEETING

'Now that they've got a new Pope, there aren't any openings for old guys.'

'Relax, you are in doggy heaven. I'm just from a temp service.'

'I've never read such stupid twaddle in all my life, I like it'

"Of course the extra costs of the 'minimum wage' has had an impact upon our recruitment policies...we have to be a lot more selective!"

"Good evening. Can I start you off with a customer satisfaction survey?"

"Don't even bother – this oasis only has two and a half stars."

'I'm the new chairman the temp agency sent over.'

'Employment agency: We have lots of jobs for robots, apps, drones.'

"I like your resume, Andy. It shows you're smart, a good worker and full of potassium!"

Three cheers for advertising.

"Your performance fell short on several points. For instance, I notice that you didn't come in to work... ever."

"My most recent position was under a house."

EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'While my reserve unit was guarding the Iraqi border, an illegal alien took my job.'

"Actually I'm a waiter but things are pretty slow at the moment and I'm looking for something to fill in between jobs."

'I like to think our false and deceptive advertising is falser and more deceptive than anyone else's false and deceptive advertising.'

"What sort of job are you after?" "I don't want a job. I want to be a consultant!"

"Yes, we can get you summer work, Mr. Claus...even at 1,700 years old we don't age discriminate."

'I know the ad said 'temporary,' but when did you say you had your last contraction?'

"I'm from the agency. . ."

'Do you have any job references that aren't imaginary?'

'I'm rating stuff.'