Rapture Enthusiasts Gifts

"The plunger makes it easier for the lord to rapture us."

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Surgery up here is free!"

65 Million Years Ago

"All we have left is standing room only."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"Time for bed, guys."

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"You're a physician? Let me ask you about a problem that I've been having."

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

"Oh nooo, we can't skip church. Why, we'll just sleep when we're dead!"

Gates of heaven

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"As we're here for eternity, I expected at least a television."

A Male Angel throwing his Halo as a Frisbee for his Dog to catch.

'Even down here we never lose our sense of humor!'

"Has anyone seen my therapist?"

"Yes, this is heaven - but we need some source of funding, too."

Heaven

'Hold on, pal! Who's in control of the narrative here?'

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

"Hey! You were that old sourpuss who worked at the motor vehicles department!"

1,000 places to see after you die by Shirley Maclaine.

"We use the proceeds to help offset the cost of your eternal salvation."

"I'm having trouble with my long-term memory -- I can't remember my earlier reincarnations."

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

Demonization: Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse.

Post-psychoanalysis

"No, you're going to hell - but you're welcome to check out the gift shop."

"You get a white robe, a halo, wings, and of course, free WIFI."