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"The plunger makes it easier for the lord to rapture us."

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Surgery up here is free!"

65 Million Years Ago

"All we have left is standing room only."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"Time for bed, guys."

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"You're a physician? Let me ask you about a problem that I've been having."

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

'Even down here we never lose our sense of humor!'

A Male Angel throwing his Halo as a Frisbee for his Dog to catch.

"Oh nooo, we can't skip church. Why, we'll just sleep when we're dead!"

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"As we're here for eternity, I expected at least a television."

"Has anyone seen my therapist?"

Gates of heaven

"Yes, this is heaven - but we need some source of funding, too."

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

"I'm having trouble with my long-term memory -- I can't remember my earlier reincarnations."

Heaven

'Hold on, pal! Who's in control of the narrative here?'

"No, you're going to hell - but you're welcome to check out the gift shop."

Post-psychoanalysis

Demonization: Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse.

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

"You get a white robe, a halo, wings, and of course, free WIFI."

'Listen, if they didn't have alcohol in heaven, it wouldn't be heaven!'