Rapscallion With A Love For Puns Pillows

Velocirappers

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

Do it yourself books.

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

'It's only four acres but we're glad we bought it - he's always wanted to be an expert in his own field.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'And in conclusion...'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

"Do you have any marriage bread?"

Oh, that's Humpy's girlfriend, "Hunky Dory."

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

'What do you mean I used to be cute?'

The static electric eel is very rare.

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

'I can't help you, it seems you really are npsycuts!'

'You give me goose bumps!'

Weather forecast

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

"You're a gifted writer, although at times you're just too precious."

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'