Rapscallion With A Love For Puns T-Shirts

Velocirappers

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

Do it yourself books.

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

'It's only four acres but we're glad we bought it - he's always wanted to be an expert in his own field.'

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

'And in conclusion...'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

"Do you have any marriage bread?"

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

"You're a gifted writer, although at times you're just too precious."

Weather forecast

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

'I can't help you, it seems you really are npsycuts!'

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

The static electric eel is very rare.

'You give me goose bumps!'

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"