Rank And Privilege Analyst Pillows

'Sir, if rank has it's privileges, how come they get guns, and all I have is this crummy sword?'

Charities should investigate whether published reports are 'Misleadingly Positive'.

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

Avocado Timeline

"If what you don't know can't hurt you, I'm safe from math, English, history, and science."

Since I took command of the company, I have steered a steady course.

Charity Shop Income on Rise

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

'I would have had these reports done sooner, but someone rolled a ball with a bell inside it into my cubicle.'

"I'm the victim of negative advertising."

Pirate has parrot for psychiatrist

Your new salary is closely linked to profits - a smaller salary means more profits.

'So, you see, Dad, if we compare our overall school performance, I'm actually doing better than you did at my age.'

"I can never seem to get my report in on time!"

'All right, I want to know who's responsible for our profits no longer being obscene!'

"There's a one-year don't-get-sick probation period for our health insurance."

Work stress.

"I don't know why they don't privatise the tax office and blame the private sector for its existence."

"Let's begin with an x-ray of your portfolio."

'This is just my part in the growing crisis in education.'

"Then it's agreed. I'll send you a lieutenant in exchange for a clerk typist and a staff sergeant."

Justice and money

Stressed woman tries to sleep knowing her status report for 48 projects is due in the morning.

'The new boss really liked my report. He just patted me on my back!'

Teacher said the C's she put face up indicate slight improvement.

"We're trying to get staff to be more creative in their report writing." "I call this my dance of the fourth quarters client satisfaction survey."

Philosopher King

Fireworks Limited: Gone Out - Do Not Return!

'The teacher thinks I'm good at putting thoughts into words. See where it says 'talks in class'?'

"But this is what sexual harassment has cost us."

Noblesse Oblige Explained

'Your work is improving, Melvin. this report isn't half bad.'

60,000 is the new 100,000.

"And make it look believanble."