Raid Planner Gifts

Popular Viking travel writing.

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"Try to get him away from that bloody whip...Pass it on."

'More homes and wind turbines planned.'

"Siri, find an ICU near me."

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

Old woman with trolley full of medication.

Catastrophe Risk Insurance

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

'What a control freak!'

Tsunami Evac Route

Remain calm, we need to talk. We don't want to alarm you. Run for your life! Oh boy. The economic news is not good. It's apocalyptic. We both lived through the depression. More like barely survived. We're seeing parallels -- lack of government investment, no-tax policies ... Fire, disease, bad cellphone coverage ... You're enjoying this too much. you said I could. Spend cautiously, Rudy. Have a back-up plan. Sell your gadgets, buy canned goods. Oh boy.

'That Brown bears watching!'

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

"And then yesterday, I had an epiphany: The best way for me to overcome my paralyzing fear of a global ecological/economic collapse is to find a way to turn it into a lucrative career!"

"You don't have to worry about using up your minutes."

"He's given up trying to find anything else he can cut to reach 40% savings."

"Remain calm and list your goals in order of priority."

'Darling, I told you not to call me at work.'

'I'm taking no chances.'

GPS HIghway to Hell

"Hopefully I'll have enough frequent pillaging points after this trip to get a new sword!"

Saving up for a rainy day.

Ok, I've set you up with an offshore back account, so you can hide your valuables for use after the oncoming apocalypse. You're too kind, sir. Where is it? Caymans? Switzerland? That's amateur stuff. The economy's increasingly global. When America goes down, it could take the Swiss and Cayman economies down with it. Then where – To open your account, I'll need your passport, tax returns, and a map of your genome. Bank of Deneb Prime. Trump turned me on to it.

"Do I have a personal preparedness plan in case of a national emergency? Well, if screaming while running amok is a plan, then yes, I have a plan."

"He's all business during the week, but on weekends he displays a playful humor."

"Personally, I don't trust weathermen. They change their story every day!"

Point A / Point B

Exit next left. No, my left.

"No, Mr Cummings, I haven`t dealt with the accounts file yet. I`m getting to it as quickly as I can."

"Some of the guys are worried about your commitment to the whole marauding barbarian thing."

'Road Construction Updates. While you're on hold for the next hour, press 1 if you would like to listen to New Age Music, press 2 If you would like to listen to rap, press 3 If you would like to listen to country, press 4... '

'I always carry my hammer, incase we're shipwrecked, and I need it to crack coconuts.'

Ok, if it's that important to you, we can make a to-do list.

"Leave me alone, I'm prioritizing my week."