Preparation Planner Gifts

Remain calm, we need to talk. We don't want to alarm you. Run for your life! Oh boy. The economic news is not good. It's apocalyptic. We both lived through the depression. More like barely survived. We're seeing parallels -- lack of government investment, no-tax policies ... Fire, disease, bad cellphone coverage ... You're enjoying this too much. you said I could. Spend cautiously, Rudy. Have a back-up plan. Sell your gadgets, buy canned goods. Oh boy.

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"We only got six days of funding."

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"First aid box, puncture repair kit, mobile phone, energy bars and plenty of liquids; I think that's all eventualities covered..."

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

When Engineers Crack.

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

'We took the old plan, folded in half, and now it's the new plan.'

"I think you might need to start again."

Innovation & Calculation

A cat is hiding in a block of cheese to lure a mouse out of its hole.

"Compare Calculate Contrast Before you make a move"

'We had no contingency plan for things going right.'

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

Engineer on the move.

"That's it - I've had it up to here with measurement devices."

Bad Office Planning

Praying for a goal assist.

"We're still trying to sort out the details."

Father Time Management

Man being fed 'Get up and Go' on a drip.

Clear construction agreements are important.

"I thought an illogical framework would work better."

"I'm afraid the umbrella constitutes an enclosed space and must be taken down."

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

"I am in training for the sales."

'... I'll take the handoff to the tailback, then give the ball to my stunt double here, and he will dive head-first into the end zone.'

'I can use surgery to restore your sex drive. Do you want the £3000 operation or the £4000 one?' - 'I'd rather have a new kitchen.'

I'm afraid we had to cancel the 'perfect planning' seminar. we forgot to book the hotel until it was to late and the speaker we'd hoped to use died in 1958

"Of course nobody can make head nor tale of it, but the good news is that it's been nominated for the Turner prize next year."

'Steve, I admire your determination to make this plan work.'