Preplanner Gifts

'Don't forget to tell them to throw a handbasket into the coffin.'

'For your information, I am engaging the energy of change and complexity to create the future I desire.'

"We only got six days of funding."

Pipe Dream.

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"Doing your homework may lead to a job that has homework."

"Three more years of high school."

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

God's Subcontractors

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

When Engineers Crack.

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

'We took the old plan, folded in half, and now it's the new plan.'

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

"I think you might need to start again."

Innovation & Calculation

Saving for College.

Waiting for retirement.

'I considered running away, but since I'll probably be living at home until I'm 38, it's a bad career move.'

"Compare Calculate Contrast Before you make a move"

"You pulled most of the muscles in your back lifting your to-do list? You've got a bigger problem than pulled muscles."

"Where do you expect to be ten years from now?"