Radio Enthusiast Gifts

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

Wireless Access Here.

'A sure-win radio talk show. People phone in with questions on existence and reality, and you respond with total silence.'

Doctor to mom about kid: 'Hey - 104.5? Your kid's temperature happens to be my favorite radio station!'

Feelings towards radios #3 Man kissing a radio.

'I repeat: Charlie, Golf, X-ray, Yankee, Zulu, Romeo, Juilet, Whiskey, Kilo...'

'I'm Bored'

'After listening to NPR, this jelly donut tastes more like a multi-grain bagel.'

"Hello! Go ahead, Syracuse, New York."

'Shopping forecast'

The reception here is awful!

'It's more interesting as a radio play.'

Silence - Except for librarians listening to radio two.

Wind-up Radio

"It's from that Alastair Cooke again"

"See! Thousands of new listeners."

"No - I'm not listening to my radio!"

"I wasn't concentrating, I was listening to the Archers"

"Longtime listeners, first-time callers."

"That's not my political opinion. That's just stuff I hear on the radio."

"Now, here's a new group on a real small label, and I'm going to lay it on your strictly 'cause I dig it."

This has been a test. If this had been an actual emergency - you'd be dead. (radio warning broadcast)

Who's on line one?

'Thanks to talk radio, he can argue all by himself.'

John Peel

What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? I'm trying to buy a house, but my lender is dragging its feet. Lender? Lender?! Stop begging for handouts! Do what we did in the old days … scrimp and save and buy a house for cash. And if you can't then you move somewhere cheaper. And if there is nowhere cheaper, start a rumor of a nearby toxic waste dump and MAKE IT cheaper. Yes, ma'am.

"Excuse me, does this AM radio also work in the afternoons."

This is Dr. Sadie. What's your question, caller? How can I tell if my cold is really bronchitis? Stop yer sniveling. In my day, a body would hope it was bronchitis. It gave you a chance to prove your grit! Nothing like a touch of burning pain, wheezing, and crackling in the chest to separate the women from the girls. What kind of doctor are you, again?

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. "Trekfan" in Dallas, you're on. What's your problem?! House of Java Cybercafe. I've been trying to get my wife to watch sci-fi with me. But she's so closed-minded about it. Everything that I find so profound and beautiful about it, she finds silly. STOP TRYING TO CHANGE YOUR WIFE INTO A XEROX COPY OF YOURSELF! Right now you relationship is based on the kind of incompatibility that leads to resentment, recrimination and bickering. Enjoy that. You'd make a great Kli

Today on the Ask Sadie Show, we'll be addressing one single topic: "Medicare for All." Specifically, we'll talk about how paying just a little more in taxes to fund it would save money, since no one would have to pay premiums or copays, no matter what their age. That's why we must defeat it! What about the rest of us, who had to struggle with sky-high insurance costs, horrible coverage, and enormous bills that forced us into bankruptcy, for 65 whole years, before qualifying for Medicare?! We pai

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Government shutdowns. My girlfriend was angry I didn't send her a birthday card. So I said, I did! But the government shut down so the post office isn't delivering mail, babe. Guess what she said? The post office is funded by our stamps! It doesn't shut down, you horrible cretin! Yeah ... that is what she said. How'd you know? Next caller!

Ask Sadie. What's your question, caller? It's about voting. I've been voting for the lesser of two evils for decades now, and yet the country still seems to be self-destructing in slow motion. Maybe it's time I voted for the greater of two evils. That way the country could self-destruct faster and we could build a new, better one from the ashes. That's not a question. It'll be like those movies where they fly right into to the black hole and come out the other side.

"We just don't seem to be on the same wavelength anymore."

"Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's your problem?! I've been wondering something for a while now: What's the point of learning math if we've got calculators? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Grandmother Cohen was helping design the Statue of Liberty. Instead of a torch, Lady Liberty was supposed to be wielding a handbag. And instead of a tablet, she was supposed to be holding a big globe just asking to get smacked. They said all the calculations showed it was too top-heavy. But I don't

You're on, caller. What's your problem? My baby won't stop crying. How do I get her to stop? What do you mean, "get her to stop"? Your baby's a human being and she already has things she wants to tell you. Crying is the only language she knows. Just hold her, tell her "I hear you" ... ... AND GROW A THICKER SKIN! BABY TEARS AREN'T LITTLE GRENADES, LOSER! I wish she'd just text me like everyone else.