Radio Lovers Gifts

Lake Wobegon

Caution: 5 Day Wading Period

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

Non Thought For The Day.

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Sports Radio in Crisis

She kept Dracula at bay with an episode of the Archers.

Wally flunks the test: The Emergency Broadcast System.

Larry King

'Howard can't come to the phone now. He's standing by for a major concert announcement.'

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

Easy & Hard Listening Rock Radio.

Not-so-easy listening...

'I'm Bored'

"See! Thousands of new listeners."

What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? What's with that senseless riot in Baltimore? What do you mean? America has a long history of self-destructive riots in response to police brutality. It's senseless to call it senseless. A city is like a human body. If you feed a body an awful diet of abuse and unaccountable cops, that body's eventually going to have a massive coronary. In short: Learn your history! And eat oatmeal! Oat ... What? What are you talking about?

'I think I've found what's causing the radio's funny buzzing sound.'

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking your calls. I'll tell you how to fix your hopeless relationship or cope with all the people at work who really are better than you. Then I'll berate you for not manning up and dealing with it on your own instead of bugging me about it! Los Angeles, CA, you're on. What's your problem? Click.

"No one knows his identity. He just turns up, cuts your grass, then departs without leaving his name. They call him the Lawn Ranger."

"Mmm... now WHERE did i leave my radio..?"

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

"They're dumbing down the news now!"

Welcome to "The Ask Sadie Show," pre-Halloween edition. First caller is Zombie Eaton, from Schenectady. What's your problem?! Munch

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

Feelings towards radios #2 Picket signs with pictures of radios on them

Randi Rhodes

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

"First caller is Rudolph, from the North Pole, you're on Rudolph. What's your problem?!. . . And before you speak, lt me just remind everyone that I spent ten years as a detective specializing in tracking down prank callers and mercilessly destroying their self-esteem."

Welcome to the "Ask Sadie" radio hour. You're on, Cleveland. What's YOUR problem?! My deadbeat brother-in-law won't leave. What do I do? For six months, he's been sleeping on my couch, watching my tv, and drinking my Dr. Pepper. Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Stalin liberated Eastern Europe and then didn't leave for 44 years. You're going to need a massive arms race, a containment strategy, and Sylvester Stallone. Now he's using my toothbrush.

'That's Karl with a 'K' -- My parents named me after a radio station.'

'I get 23 stations and a place to hang my coat!'

"I think I've found your transistor radio."

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. "Fed up in Flint," you're on. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?! House of Java.net Cybercafe. I bought a dirt-cheap house in Flint, hoping to rent it out. I had it renovated, and then the day before our open-house, someone broke in and stole all our plumbing. So what?! In my day, nobody had plumbing! We did our business in a ditch down by the river and we were glad about it! List it as "vintage Americana" and quit yer complainin'! But they took the roof, too. In my day, a roof