Race Day Revelers Gifts

'Your horse is sure to win now that he's got rid of that little man on his back.'

-"It would have been a photo finish..." -"Yes, but by the time our horse got there it was too dark for a photo!"

Disorienteering

A day at the races

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

"This might surprise you, but not everyone finds the smell of a rain-soaked world invigorating."

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

Smile

First past the post.

'We're almost 1/8th of the way there.'

"Did you see neighhhhhh...bours last night?"

"Don't hit him too hard, his little old mum's at the ringside!"

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

Loser's Podium.

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

Get a life

"Howard's gone on the Tour de France without his bicycle again."

'Well, did you win or what?'

1st Place in the Egg and Spoon Race

'On your mark, get set...'

'It's no use ... I'll never catch anyone. I can't even catch my breath.'

"It's only a 2-k race, but in the 10 years we've sponsored it, nobody's ever finished."

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

Race Horses See Big People.

'I hear the meeting was cancelled last Saturday.' - 'Yeah. Someone drugged the hare.'

'I'd bet that with that race engine, you could beat anybody to the neighborhood grocery store.'

'I plucked myself. It reduces drag in the water.'

'It happens to a lot of runners at this stage of the marathon, George. It;s called 'hitting the wall'...'

Hurdles with Steps

"I can't believe we forgot to pack the car."

'Ha! Fake out!'

'Runners to your mark. Get set... wait! Lane three! Turn sideways!'