Race Day Chuckler Gifts

"How did the marathon go?"

'Your shoe's untied.'

First past the post.

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

Bradley Wiggins

'I think I'm just coming up to the finishing line, Dear.'

Second to Nun

'It's no use ... I'll never catch anyone. I can't even catch my breath.'

"It's only a 2-k race, but in the 10 years we've sponsored it, nobody's ever finished."

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

'Runners to your mark. Get set... wait! Lane three! Turn sideways!'

Oxford-Cambridge Boat Race,1870-The Crews Approach Putney Bridge

Formula One eco helmet

'When I'm in the saddle I'm part of the horse.' - 'Yes, but which part?'

-Yipee! He's well out in front! -You do realize they're only going down to the start!

Just for laughs, let's throw a few folks off course.

Racers' Gate.

'Best let them know there's a couple of loose horses at the fourth!'

Bus rally tour

'They must practice their pit stops for hours to get it as badly wrong as that.'

Finishing line cuts open athlete.

Biggest Hat Award

'Can you let me have five till Obama bails us all out, sir?'

"He's giving 3-1 Magic Spider in the 230."

"He's come out of retirement!"

'Psst, I know a shortcut.'

'It's not fair...Schumacher gets to practice a lap of honour before the race has even begun.'

'His horse came in at 100 to 1 - last!'

Jockey seat.

'Marathon...? what Marathon...!'

Dibs!

'You were right when you said that your horse would 'walk it'. He obviously did!'

'We may have done better if the jockey had carried the horse round!'

'On your marks, get set, schmo. On your marks, get set, joe. On your marks, get set...'

Golly, only about ten bucks in charge...less than I thought.