Race Day Chuckler Pillows

"How did the marathon go?"

'Your shoe's untied.'

First past the post.

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

'I think I'm just coming up to the finishing line, Dear.'

Second to Nun

"It's only a 2-k race, but in the 10 years we've sponsored it, nobody's ever finished."

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

'It's no use ... I'll never catch anyone. I can't even catch my breath.'

'Runners to your mark. Get set... wait! Lane three! Turn sideways!'

-Yipee! He's well out in front! -You do realize they're only going down to the start!

'When I'm in the saddle I'm part of the horse.' - 'Yes, but which part?'

Racers' Gate.

Just for laughs, let's throw a few folks off course.

Formula One eco helmet

Oxford-Cambridge Boat Race,1870-The Crews Approach Putney Bridge

Bus rally tour

'Best let them know there's a couple of loose horses at the fourth!'

'They must practice their pit stops for hours to get it as badly wrong as that.'

Finishing line cuts open athlete.

'Can you let me have five till Obama bails us all out, sir?'

Biggest Hat Award

"He's giving 3-1 Magic Spider in the 230."

"He's come out of retirement!"

'Psst, I know a shortcut.'

'It's not fair...Schumacher gets to practice a lap of honour before the race has even begun.'

'His horse came in at 100 to 1 - last!'

Jockey seat.

'You were right when you said that your horse would 'walk it'. He obviously did!'

Dibs!

'We may have done better if the jockey had carried the horse round!'

'Marathon...? what Marathon...!'

Golly, only about ten bucks in charge...less than I thought.

'On your marks, get set, schmo. On your marks, get set, joe. On your marks, get set...'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Hunting - No. VI