Race Day Junkie Pillows

'It's not fair...Schumacher gets to practice a lap of honour before the race has even begun.'

Ancient Racing

'Your shoe's untied.'

A day at the races

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

Runner collapsing over the finishing line.

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'Now will you pull over and ask for directions?'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

Smile

First past the post.

'I win!'

"Did you see neighhhhhh...bours last night?"

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

Bradley Wiggins

Loser's Podium.

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

"I just realized that unless I'm riding for some cause, I must look like an idiot."

1st Place in the Egg and Spoon Race

"Howard's gone on the Tour de France without his bicycle again."

Only horse I know that likes to start out of the crouch. 6 3.

Tour de France champ Hendrik 'Joop' Zoetemelk

"It's only a 2-k race, but in the 10 years we've sponsored it, nobody's ever finished."

'It's no use ... I'll never catch anyone. I can't even catch my breath.'

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

'I hear the meeting was cancelled last Saturday.' - 'Yeah. Someone drugged the hare.'

The Tortoise and NASCAR.

Race Horses See Big People.

'I plucked myself. It reduces drag in the water.'

'It happens to a lot of runners at this stage of the marathon, George. It;s called 'hitting the wall'...'

Hurdles with Steps

"I can't believe we forgot to pack the car."

'Ha! Fake out!'

'When I'm in the saddle I'm part of the horse.' - 'Yes, but which part?'

Formula One eco helmet