Raccoon Whisperer T-Shirts

"Did you remember to take the trash in?"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Children's Parties

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"Quick, start the car!"

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

'Your shoe's untied.'

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

Dog Dreams

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

'You know too much!'

'Don't bite it.I have to check Daddy next.'

"Oh well, I guess I'm lucky that he's not a duck hunter."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

The Worm Charmer

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

"That is an outrageous slur."

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"Do you like it better when I go to the F or the Dm?"

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"I don't know about you, but it always makes me feel kinda special."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Looking at you, the moon and beyond, don't you think we could start a blog?"

'The forest is so dark and gloomy: It's nice to reach the emergence and get a bit of sunshine...'

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

"That's it, Tom. Here they come. Just keep playing 'Freebird.'"

"This never happened."

"...and that growl has turned many a hunter into vegetarians!"

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

'Can you play something the dog doesn't know?'

Sign in Lion Enclosure: 'Please Don't Eat the People.'

"Look. They say sit, you sit. They say roll over, you roll over. Where's the prob?"

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'