Raccoon Humorist Gifts

"No, there's no contract or anything. It's a mutual understanding. I'm his pet and he's my master."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

Football Chameleon

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"The Eggsorcist"

Hats and Food

"Scuba cow"

'Jurassic Pork.'

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

Fish with a human in a bowl.

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

Dogs life

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

Cats at private view

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'