Quiz Night Champion Gifts

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'Can I get input from the guys at the bar on this one?'

Before the Internet

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

"Now our contestant will try to guess which of you is the very last individual of your species."

"Now that's a win."

Miss America IQ Pageant

The First Annual Game Show Week.

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

'I don't know much about history, don't know much biology ... but we'll be OK if there's a round on song lyrics.'

Senior Jeopardy!

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

'On the mathematics vaudeville circuit...' 'Fermat's last theorem - big deal! He only had two theorems!'

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

City centre pub.

At the celebrity jobcentre...

"Perhaps we'd be more likely to reach an agreement if the British delegate would stop shouting 'Deal or no deal' all the time."

Alternative Game Shows: Shooting Stars

I lost as a contestant on the quiz show, but they gave me this lovely parting gift...

Academic Jeopardy - "Reality divided by two gives us this truth."

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

Universe Challenge

'I hope he didn't write the menu.' (Pub quizzers comment on poor grammar)

'How can I enjoy 'Jeopardy' when she keeps blurting out the answers?'

"No conifering, please."

"I'm sorry, 'Because I said so' is not an acceptable answer."

"Angry or Hangry?

'And your specialist subject is the Invisible Man films?'

"errrm..I think I'll phone a friend."

'No! The bully in Tom Brown's Schooldays was called 'Flashman' not 'Paxman'.'