Quitting Whiz Gifts

'When you put on a new patch you're meant to take the old one off!'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

Nerd tryouts.

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

It appears to be some sort of computer virus.

Math Teacher

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

'This is your idea of hitting the local hotspots?'

"To save enough money to buy my lowrider, I figure I need to keep my summer job for...10,734 days."

"The wifi password? Of course Madame, it's 'Ilove100boobies69'."

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

A2+B2=C2, 'Are you sure you're not just making this stuff up?'

"I'm recommending more video games. I'm worried about his hand eye coordination."

Apex Dictionaries Co - sign reads: Clowsed,bak at too.

"Extremely Minature Golf." They're playing golf down there today. A chlorophyll molecule is collecting green fees and some H2O molecules are a water hazard. The adrenaline group seems to have gotten a burst of energy -- They're playing through the slower groups in front of them. I see the electron is good, always a negative score. And the nucleus is a solid player, every shot is hit right down the center. But nobody can match the DNA's consistency --- He's able to perfectly replicate his s

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

1080P New Year's Resolution

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

Um... Can I get an 'L', Pat?

"Your orders are burning up the system. I love it!"

If God was a programmer

"My garage door opens whenever I change television channels."

Proud Inventor.

"Oh, don't jump. But at least learn to code."

'And this is where we attempt to forecast the true size of the spending cuts!'

British patent (applied for) A Trained Dog of war Drawing the Enemy's Fire.

'Excellent Hoskins, you've got all the right numbers, now shall we see if you can put them in the right order?'

"'Thank you for sending us your manuscript,' she exclaimed. 'You're welcome,' I retorted. 'Unfortunately, it's not what we are looking for,' she opined. 'How disappointing,' I remarked."

'This damn ??,' - 'So that's computer language,'

"Can you believe English isn't the official language here?"

'We had to discontinue the alphabet soup -- we were getting too many libel suits.'

"I crunched the numbers and now they're so smooshed up I can't read them."

Publication Day for Johnson's Dictionary

"I realise children are learning to use computers at an early age, but this is outrageous!"

"Hardscrabble"