Quirky Writers Pillows

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but you have a tentative offer from Burma-Shave.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

Glance Exchange

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

'Why, I don't exactly know -- how long HAVE we been here, Bobo?'

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"How about a hand."

"It's just a tree."

"Don't editorialize."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

'You can't come in here with that.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'