Quirky Writers T-Shirts

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but you have a tentative offer from Burma-Shave.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

Glance Exchange

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"It's just a tree."

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

'Why, I don't exactly know -- how long HAVE we been here, Bobo?'

"How about a hand."

"Don't editorialize."

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

The Family Joules: Part 5

Self Help / Elf Help.

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'