Quirky Venue Lover Gifts

"Is this a junk shop that sells coffee or a coffee shop that sells junk?"

"I love you, you big fool."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

"I'll bet you can't name three of their songs."

Talent, pluck, or plain dumb luck?

"Dammit, Hopkins... It's the fiscal new year!"

'Oh Gloria, I love you with all my heart, part of my liver and most of my lower intestine.'

"Interested in some romantic punk rock during your dinner?"

"Sometimes Ben does very dumb things. I love that in him."

'Our financial troubles are over, Edna. The fellas and I have formed a boy band.'

'Nest, my impression of Beethoven's sonata inD major, of.31, no.2, as played by Humphrey Bogart.'

'Hey, thanks for comin' out tonight. All these songs are from our new album, which was inspired by a recent trip to the grocery store...'

"Your usual? Listen, pal—you can't expect me to remember every customer's drink."

"The good news is he costs a quarter of what a string quarted would; the bad news is that, of course, he's suffocating."

"You must be a computer geek, because I've never had anyone ask me to accept their 'Terms of Use' before a date."

'They're our neighbours. We invited them on the off chance they may turn out to be post-modern.'

"They listen to weird music, dress funny and you don't dare go into the bathroom after they've been in there!"

'Is there an empty apartment I can use for cultural events?'

'Have you got to have a Gimmick.'

Spoonstock.

There were drastic cutbacks in the orchestra's budget.

Seth Schubert, Concert Harmonicist

"I guess I thought 'Andy and the blenders' was a band."

An elderly couple arrive at Kiddie Pool Buffet, where people are wearing swim suits etc. and serving food from the pool itself.

"I love what you've done with that punch bowl Reginald!"

"What?!"

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

Always looking for ways to increase sales, the creative team at Mayflower Greeting Cards brainstorms new sending occasions.

Crater Lake Annual Yogurt Guzzle! This year's flavor: Raspberry Marijuana.

A sign in the front window of a bookstore says "Meet the Pope 2 p.m."

Cello player with arrow instead of bow.

Somewhere in West Virginia

The smallest pub in Britain was a 'bit choosy' about who they would let in!

"I didn't know this was a formal event."

Mitch performs in front of an oddience.