Quirky Performer Enthusiast Gifts

'Have you got to have a Gimmick.'

Rock N Roll

Anna Calvi

'He's maturing early.'

Football Crazy strip six

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

Marcel Marceau's parrot

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

'I'm not a magician, but I do keep live doves in my pants.'

Talent, pluck, or plain dumb luck?

"Albert is the first whistler to use hearing aid feedback as an intro to one of his tunes."

The Costumer Is Always Right

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

"And do you have any OTHER skills you can bring to the post apart from being able to burp the Beatles greatest hits?"

"Rob is a functioning train wreck."

Man playing a harmonica on a exercise bike bores customers in a restaurant

"Hire him. You can't teach shadows like that."

"Here's another one about Teddy bears."

Annoying xylophone solicitors.

The Dancing Academy

'What's wrong with you?'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

"He's at grade level for everything except cursing. He's swearing at a 9th grade level."

Tom Mullica.

Forcing the Rabbit to Eat the Magicians Hat.

"I owe my success to him. I figured, if he can make it, so can I."

"Okay, come at me in a conga line."

"I can't help you with your chronic whistling. You don't need a psychiatrist, you need a musicologist!"

"He only dances to The Dubliners."

"Thanks, you've been a great audience. I'm Jerry and I'm here all week."

"I got this new hat for when we do the collection at the end."

"Would you like to see my one-woman show about the specials?"

Adult Magician

"I don't get you. You can soft shoe, play the ukulele and juggle, but you can't fetch a pair of slippers."