Quirky Performers Gifts

'He's maturing early.'

This is the dance of how to get your bronze award.

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

Anna Calvi

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Optimist

"Of course they're permanent. I'm an artist."

Texturing the Walls

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"Sorry - He's changed His mind again. Stripes on the zebra, spots on the giraffe, no stars on the lion and make the elephant bigger and the amoebae smaller."

"Hell, Mom! How's it look?!" "Holy mackerel."

'I'm not a magician, but I do keep live doves in my pants.'

Talent, pluck, or plain dumb luck?

"Albert is the first whistler to use hearing aid feedback as an intro to one of his tunes."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

"Dad, my web toon characters can't be normal! They have to be stereotyped crazies who are totally abnormal!"

"Somehow, some way, we have to guide these people back to reality!"

Celebrity Phrenologist.

Weight lifter using his foot to take a photograph.

"One group gets tiny copies of the 'Times,' the other gets tiny copies of the 'Post.'"

"Cliff's really devoted to his art. He'll wait hours for someone to take a shot to the groin."

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

"I didn't have a carrot so I used a fish stick for his nose."

Man playing a harmonica on a exercise bike bores customers in a restaurant

'I'm sorry, Mr. President, he can't come to the phone right now...he's doing that crazy hand jive.'

"Well, that's right. It is a disco ball. The regular lamp is in the shop."

Annoying xylophone solicitors.

"Here's another one about Teddy bears."

A dog whose nose is a gun.

The Dancing Academy