Quirky Venue Enthusiast Gifts

The smallest pub in Britain was a 'bit choosy' about who they would let in!

Dinner at the Trapdoors

Football Crazy strip six

"Rob is a functioning train wreck."

"And do you have any OTHER skills you can bring to the post apart from being able to burp the Beatles greatest hits?"

"It's Cinderella?!?"

"Well, that's show business."

"Hire him. You can't teach shadows like that."

'What's wrong with you?'

'Nest, my impression of Beethoven's sonata inD major, of.31, no.2, as played by Humphrey Bogart.'

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

'We've got 'Jumpin' Jake' Stevens on drums, 'Slick' Chuck on bass and 'Wasted Pete' Walthons on the trumpet.'

Mobile phone in bar asking for a pint of beer

"I don't get you. You can soft shoe, play the ukulele and juggle, but you can't fetch a pair of slippers."

Spoonstock.

'They're our neighbours. We invited them on the off chance they may turn out to be post-modern.'

'Is there an empty apartment I can use for cultural events?'

'Have you got to have a Gimmick.'

"Your usual? Listen, pal—you can't expect me to remember every customer's drink."

"I can't help you with your chronic whistling. You don't need a psychiatrist, you need a musicologist!"

'Hey, thanks for comin' out tonight. All these songs are from our new album, which was inspired by a recent trip to the grocery store...'

"The good news is he costs a quarter of what a string quarted would; the bad news is that, of course, he's suffocating."

There were drastic cutbacks in the orchestra's budget.

Hugh - From Barnaby Rudge

"I guess I thought 'Andy and the blenders' was a band."

"Give it up for Stevie and his musical underarms! Next up, in the house...Crazy Katrina and her jump rope of death! It's something you'll see only on...the Security Camera Network!"

"The inspector's not getting older. He's getting odder."

Circus News

Seth Schubert, Concert Harmonicist

An elderly couple arrive at Kiddie Pool Buffet, where people are wearing swim suits etc. and serving food from the pool itself.

Square peg in a round hole: 'I say if it feels right, do it.'

"I love what you've done with that punch bowl Reginald!"

"Thanks goodness, I thought she was pregnant?"

"There, but for the wrath of my wife, go I."

"What?!"