Quirky Sibling Gifts

"Yeah...he's my brother. I inherited the cool genes!"

The Wolfman's Brother

"Why can't I give you a haircut?"

At the Museum

"Can I keep them? I found him on the internet?"

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

Boy and Bear and Monster

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"They followed me home from school - can I keep 'em?"

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

Dog wearing a cone

"You're never a superhero in your own backyard."

'Nope. I didn't see any dogfish.'

Christmas Pets

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

"I don't care if you saw this in a western..."

'I've been told before that I'm very mature for a three year old.'

'@#$=%!} paparazzi!'

"Better luck next time, kid."

Bathroom Fairy

Separation

"Where's your nose?"

'We had him trained to stay off the furniture, right up until we gave up.'

'No, first start the engine, then bark!'

The Charge of the Kids

'It says here: while most dogs are family dogs, some dogs like one family member more. Do you think Fritzi is like that?'

'I think there's been some mistake...'

Cat king.

'A bed just isn't the same without a person in it.'

Endangered Species - Hardly/Slightly/Extremely.

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...