Quirky Sense Of Humor Gifts

'Now, remember how it works, Mrs. Cortlock? If Dr. Gundleson strikes out OR if you catch a foul ball, your extraction is totally free!'

"I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't tell my kids that I'm actually made of money."

The domino effect - a line of dominoes about to fall in sequence as the consequence of one tripping

'I can't use a computer without a touchpad. I'm terrified of mice.'

I can't explain why. But I'm luvin' it!

Finder's Keepers - Formerly - Lost & Found.

Cards: Get WellGet #!!X@!!

'Psst! You wanna buy some pockets?'

"I think it's time you knew, you were adopted."

"Now this baby can hold up to five hundred magnets."

"And that's why I'm not too concerned about eternal damnation."

Birds of a Feather...

Library is divided into 3 sections: Young Readers, Adults, Waiting for Death.

Cuckoo Deposit

'I'm here to see if i need Psychiatric treatment.'

Worm coming out from apple on hook.

The invisible man gets carded.

'Mate, when did you get your tongue pierced..?'

'Sorry Ma'am, but I only do palm-readings...'

Magnet at scrapyard

Be Cheerful - if nothing else it'll drive people crazy.

'I like my women like I like my grapes: fat, juicy & in a bunch.'

Man playing piano discovers piano feet are actually human feet

'Hurry up, I gotta go to the bathroom!'

'I've got my eye on you.'

"Ok, Monica, here's where it gets weird."

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Either that's Marmaduke with a lizard's head in front of us, or I really mixed up my meds."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

Gifts for a cloned baby!