Quirky Relationship Dynamics Fan Gifts

Sadie, I'm getting cold feet about swinging with another couple. What? Not now! I know I said I'd be willing to let you argue with another man, but I can't stand the idea. What if you like arguing with him more than me? What if

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"You don't whisper anymore."

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"Nothing else in my room can spin on the floor like a bottle."

A child as a pet substitute.

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.

"We need to have a serious talk."

"When I take your arm Charlene, there's no need to flex."

'You are right, honey, it's raining too much. It's not the best day to visit my mom.'

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

Bears: 'Mummy, mummy can I sleep over at Jessica's this winter.'

'You can't keep rescuing him. If he really wants help, book him an appointment.'

"You call that worrying?"

"...and then while I was at soccer practice they moved house."

"I think the banana looks like a mustache, or a weird smile or something. How about an apple? ... Just a suggestion."

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

'Yoy know perfectly well WHICH corner, Jamie!'

"I thought we agreed we wouldn't tell your Dad about the Easter Bunny till next year."

Well, obviously we can't live with my parents

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

'It's good, Timmy, but it's not refrigerator good.'

'I want to thank my biological and surrogate Mother, my two Dads.. .'

"Daddy can't help you, son. Daddy's a product of the 'me' generation."

'You disgust me; but I like it.'