Quirky Relationship Dynamics Fan Gifts

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"You don't whisper anymore."

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

"Nothing else in my room can spin on the floor like a bottle."

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

A child as a pet substitute.

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

"We need to have a serious talk."

'You are right, honey, it's raining too much. It's not the best day to visit my mom.'

"When I take your arm Charlene, there's no need to flex."

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

Bears: 'Mummy, mummy can I sleep over at Jessica's this winter.'

"You call that worrying?"

'You can't keep rescuing him. If he really wants help, book him an appointment.'

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"...and then while I was at soccer practice they moved house."

'Yoy know perfectly well WHICH corner, Jamie!'

'It's good, Timmy, but it's not refrigerator good.'

'I want to thank my biological and surrogate Mother, my two Dads.. .'

"Daddy can't help you, son. Daddy's a product of the 'me' generation."

'You disgust me; but I like it.'

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'