Quirky Relationship Dynamics Gifts

'Hello, Veronica...Yes, it's me again. And once again I'm watching myself watching you...'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

STILL LIVES - Bolt: 'It's like we were made for one another!'

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'I'm sick and tired of your mood swings, Frank!'

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

What Guys Say and What They Mean,

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

Awkward First Dates

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.

Monogamy

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

"And do you, Courtney, take this man....Courtney!"

"Wait ... I always thought taking each other for granted was a good thing!"

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

"You call that worrying?"

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

Sadie, the way you objectify football players is unconscionable. It's what? All you talk about are their muscles, square jaws, animal intensity. Ooh. What? I live it when you get all puffed up and macho and tough. And what biceps. Much better. Well played. Girl does what she's got to.

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"The defense rests."