Quirky Relationship Dynamics Gifts

'Hello, Veronica...Yes, it's me again. And once again I'm watching myself watching you...'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

STILL LIVES - Bolt: 'It's like we were made for one another!'

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

Awkward First Dates

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

Monogamy

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"The defense rests."

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

"You call that worrying?"

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"

"Wait ... I always thought taking each other for granted was a good thing!"

"And do you, Courtney, take this man....Courtney!"

"I never said I liked this show...I'm only enjoying it because you hate it."