Quirky Qualification Seeker Gifts

"...and I'm proficient in two languages ? English and text messaging."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

The world's most unemployable family

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

Blend Schools

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'It says here you can talk trash in five languages.'

Perks

Urine Catcher

"Hi Mom...do you remember in which grade I was given an award for my excellent performance of the song about little ducks?"

"Well, what a coincidence, Jeff's in vermin control too!"

"A Ph.D. in particle physics, experience in aerospace and rocketry...of course I can juggle."

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"Any other skills?"

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

'This is Liam, Dad, one of the few people with a degree in both tree hugging and extreme cartwheeling.'

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

True, I've seen plenty of padded resumes, but very few bejeweled resumes.

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'And what do you do for a living Gary?' 'I'm a Puppeteer.'

'I think I've finally found my own niche.'

"...I'm available for interview, at your convenience!"

Qualifications

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"

'I'm not sure that mentioning your diploma in 'Monkey Business' really helps your resume...'